A Hard Days Night

It's magical when you fall so in love that it directs the course of your life.

The Beatles.

I first heard The Beatles on The Ed Sullivan show. My sister somehow got my mother's permission to wake me up and let me watch it with she and my brother.

When I first saw "A Hard Days Night", I was already obsessed with The Beatles music. I knew I was a singer.

The madcap, ultra cool vibe of the movie THRILLED me! It's still one of my go to, make me feel better, movies.

I am watching it this morning, Still in LOVE with The Beatles, preparing to get immunotherapy today.

I get very anxious on treatment day.

I am lucky. The drug Opdivo i get once a month has minor side effects. Nothing I can't handle.

But, I still get anxious, hoping I'm not one of the people who it starts to mess up their organs.

ie make me diabetic for the rest of my life.

You know, the fast side effect disclaimers on all the pharma commercials.

Watching any drug commercial, Tim and I would say to each other, Why would anyone risk all that?

I know why now.

I do have a weird reaction when getting it, so it requires mild sedation. I worry about that before I go.

Also, the reality of going to the infusion suite, seeing the other patients, some very sick, is hard not to take in.

What am I doing here? There must be a mistake.

It makes me want to run out the door.

I still consider myself VERY LUCKY.

Through all this, I can still sing.

BUT, every step of the way has been a FIGHT with my insurance company. They deny every treatment, every scan, every test before they say yes.

I've learned to not read their first letters because I would spend my days very pissed off and upset if I did.

The people controlling a patient's medical needs is the insurance company, not the doctor. My doctor, her staff,  usually has to spend time fighting for me. Ridiculous!

This month my insurance company, Fidellis "Care", is telling me I can't see my oncologist anymore because when she switched jobs, she left their network.

It's a funny thing about getting Cancer, I have attached to my oncologist like my life depends on it. Like she is my special ops rescuer and I don't want to leave her side, even though I'm doing great. It is not rational. I know there are other great oncologists, but I trust my doctor and I don't want to leave her in mid treatment.

So, I will go through the hassle of trying to find coverage that her new hospital accepts and that I can afford next week. And the hassle of trying to get another oncologist to order my scans etc for the remaining 6 weeks of my health insurance coverage for 2020.

Every month is a struggle to get what I am told I need to fight this cancer.


That we don't have universal, 'single payer" health care in the US is infuriating.

That anyone who is sick has to go through this emotional nightmare is disgusting.

If other countries can figure it out, so can we. Any offer of doing a combo health plan is just letting these companies

keep their big foot in the door. It's pure greed on the part of the insurance companies, big pharma and the

politicians. ALL OF THEM. If you don't think so, WAKE UP.

Your health is NOT the priority. Their profit is.

This doesn't make me a socialist. I would like my taxes to go to providing quality health care for All US citizens.  Not just people who can afford a large monthly insurance bill.

I despair over the fact that we, American Citizens, actually disagree over this.

Warning, don't get sick in the U.S.

Back to 'A Hard Days Night".